Posted on by fabulouscancerwarrior

Other passengers on this journey

Hey gang!  Last time I blogged I mentioned that we’d get to the amazing people I’ve met during my journey and we’ll get to that in a few. First for an update.  Well turns out the problem with my eye is indeed a tumour on my orbital bone that is pushing the on my eyeball (its the size of the eyeball! ewwww!) and there’s a little activity in the cranium so…. last week was radiation to the orbital bone and the skull for 5 days.  No biggie, but turns out my brain is not a fan of getting scrambled so I’m nauseous and unbalanced and still seeing double out of the right eye.  Good times!  Eating is a bit of a challenge but I force food down my neck anyway knowing it’ll help me heal.  Of course my friends and family make sure I eat good stuff!  Good news is that I’m getting better every day and I really think I will be able to resume my projects next week! Can’t wait !  Haven’t seen any signs of hair loss yet!  Yahoo!! I forgot another trick for those of you who are losing your hair and/or growing it out, a satin pillow case!  Less tugging on the hair and skin (I try everything to prevent those nasty wrinkles).

Now for the people I’ve met along the way.  It goes without saying that the medical team that has been a part of my life for the past 9 years are exceptional people.  They are a testament to humanity and kindness.   The way they make sure to treat you as a whole person and not just a disease makes you feel like they really want what is best for you AND your family.  You would think that going for treatment or for an appointment would be depressing and intimidating but everyone from the volunteers to the doctors are positive and upbeat people.  Even in the chemo room, people are talking, laughing and making the best of their situations.  I can’t say enough about the nurses in that room.  I really feel that they are my friends and their openness and kindness make it easy to confide in them, joke with them and just be genuine with them.  We share pictures, stories and great laughs!

Surprisingly enough most people getting treatment are really not negative (some are of course but I feel that these people would be negative about everything).  They are up-beat and, like me, feel confident that the treatment will either work or at least patch them up.  Smiles are usually the order of the day in that place, if not, I try to crack jokes to get people laughing .  Usually works to! Asking for a mani-pedi usually gets a good laugh.  Understandably some have no hope and the looks on their faces are telling of their struggles.  I’ll admit that breaks my heart until I realize, “wait a minute! I’m in that same boat! Wow! Back the truck up!” I wish I could go talk to them but I feel that’s it’s really not my place to do so.  That’s why my visit next week will be to see if I can distribute cards to patients guiding them to my blog.  If I can only help a few I’ll call it a good job!

A couple of weeks ago I met a gentlemen that’s about my age who happens to be a relative of a relative,  who has terminal cancer and he’s the most energetic happy person I think I ever met!  His life story is such a tragic one too.  Physically and sexually abused as a kid, suffered a debilitating boating accident where no one thought he’d make it, more injuries and finally a terminal cancer diagnosis!  He’s sick every single day but according to him “Hey! Life is good!  I have a couple years left and I’m making the most of it!”  He bought a big camper and travels when they can and is basically making the most of his situation.  He always has a smile on his face and bitterness is just not part of his life (even towards his abusers).  He just wants to leave behind positive vibes and good feelings.  He’s a good person, a great husband and an amazing father!  What a great legacy really.  Even though you don’t know him, and I don’t feel that it’s my place to tell you his name, I hope that you will remember his life lessons so that his life’s work will somehow live on.

So many other people have come into my life during this journey that I just can’t, at the moment, think of them all.  All of then with different stories, different backgrounds and different ways of coping.  I like to think that they have helped me to either adopt their ways of thinking or thinking “Hell No!” I’m not going to be that negative Nelly!  Either way, people have an impact on your outlook and it’s up to you to do the cafeteria thing and pick and choose what’s right for you.  Just try to stay on the positive side of the train.  Remember, No Negativity Allowed On The Danielle Train!

Ok that was not humorous at all!  Bummer!  Maybe it’s time for a funny BT story! This is a doozie!  BT and I are fans of Pink! Her energy and music are really inspiring for strong women.  Anyway,  Renee bought me tickets to her concert in Toronto and it was going to be a big girls’ night out with cousins and aunts (8 of us).  But wouldn’t you know it, BT’s feelings were hurt because he wasn’t invited! “But I love PINK too! You’re all being sexist!”  WAAAAAA!!!!!  Dinner and the concert were great despite BT pouting back at Tara’s house.  Next day, Renee and Silvano had tickets to a Leafs game and after an all day pouting session, BT convinced Renee to give him her tickets to the game so that she can meet up with friends in downtown Toronto.

Off the three of them go downtown, Renee to meet friends and the boys at the Air Canada Centre.  Do any of you realize how expensive it is to get roaring drunk at an NHL hockey game?  Well BT found out!  I guess he felt a little guilty about Silvano paying for the tickets so he just kept buying beer.  Not a big deal really until they somehow weasel their way into the ACC Lounge and STEAL two really nice ornaments!  The story does not stop there.  They find out where Renee and her friends are and proceed to drink more beer out of the pitcher no less!  She kicks them out and sends them to another bar to eat something so that she won’t have to carry the two home.  They taxi it back and she has them engaging in a water drinking contest and goes to bed.  I get up the next day and see these awesome trinkets and think “Oh how nice, BT thought of stopping and buying me a little something!”  He gets up and of course remembers nothing!  So we did the logical think and look up pics in his phone.  Pics of them sneaking out with the ornaments AND a picture of BT wearing a white beanie and carrying a Chihuahua!! WHAT THE FUCK! He has no clue!  It would seem that one of the bouncers had the little dog and BT must have asked him to take a pick with his dog and his hat?????  That was a rough day after the night before for BT!  You’d think he’d have learned his lesson, but no!  There are like so many BT stories like this it just makes my life unpredictable and funny.  I know you don’t do these silly over-the-top antics to make us all laugh BT, but come on!!  Great job babe!!

Next time we’ll try to tackle awkward comments people make to try to make you feel good!

 

 

 

 

Posted on by fabulouscancerwarrior

My Family – the foot soldiers in my journey – Bobby-Tee

So far, I’ve shared with you some of the methods I used to survive but I absolutely have to include my family and friends in my story of survival.  First let’s talk about my husband known to all as Bobby Tee.  He is quirky, weird, funny, super-sensitive and uber-loving.  And as my daughter likes to say, he just has so many feelings!

When I was first diagnosed, he was absolutely devastated of course.  For him to see me suffer was probably the hardest thing for him to go through but through it all, he was by my side.  I have to mention here that my two children supported him so that he could be strong otherwise I think he would have just been a big puddle of feelings! He was still working at the time and his co-workers and owners were very sympathetic and gave him whatever time off he needed to help me.  He was such a trooper, the first time around.  He was strong and supportive when I had my first round of surgeries and I’m confident that when he saw the physical changes in me like the loss of my breast, the loss of hair and every other change in me, he really didn’t care.  He still thought of me as beautiful and treated me as such.  What a moral booster he is!!   Until I got the news that the cancer had metastasised in my femur and in my spine.

This is where the funny BT stories begin (well there’s a million of them really, but we’ll stick to a few). Poor Bobby Tee had just retired a few months before, our daughter had gotten married and we were planning an amazing retirement travelling to see the world.  All that changed in the day we found out the cancer had returned.  He was, of course supportive and helpful but he seemed to be a little more withdrawn and serious.  I guess it kind of hit him that this disease could really kill me.  Anyway… He we were dining out with old friends (I was sporting a fabulous looking cane) and chatting when all of a sudden I notice BT kind of listing sideways in his chair and I started screaming “he’s having a stroke call 911!!”  He wasn’t of course, he had just passed out twice in a row. EMT’s bring him to the hospital and my friends were stuck with the dinner bill.  I call my ever helpful sister and she meets me at the hospital.  They test him for a stroke, a heart attack and everything else (thank you Canadian Health Care system).  He seemed fine and everything seemed to be going well.  We thought a change in scenery would help so we head out to Toronto to visit with my niece Tara (my super-duper bff) and her family.  As BT’s helping to prepare muscles, his muscles give out and he passes out again! What the Fuck??? My niece catches him before he hits the floor and  I bitch slap him until he comes around! Here we go! I can’t drive the 4 hours back home with my stupid peg leg.  Thankfully my son was about an hour away at university so he drove us back.  His family doc got him to see both a psychiatrist who prescribed anti-depressants and a psychologist that helped council him.

A few months into this, I catch him online looking at….. puppies (get your mind out of the gutter).  I’m like “what he hell are looking at puppies for? We already have a dog!”  Okay so he’s 18 years old, blind, deaf and arthritic (I had to carry him around on a pillow), but still…. His reasoning was that our old poodle Shelby will die soon and we’d be devastated and a new puppy will help ease the blow.  So there we go! The whole family visits the puppy and of course we all fall in love with him and bring him home a few weeks later.  We name him Nelson after Nelson Mandela because he was also a remarquable survivor (he hadn’t passed away yet). The little shit head was so freeken hard to house train that I wanted to give him away but eventually (like after 6 months of cleaning pee) he became a loving and cuddly little dog.  We had to put the old guy down after he had gotten sick and the new guy, Nelson, eagerly took his place.  My daughter is convinced that Nelson had something to do with the Shelby’s death because he was quite happy being the only dog in the house.

Nelson

Okay well that story isn’t so funny after all but here’s a good one. It’s the middle of summer and the BT decides to take a walk with Nelson to the local pharmacy about one kilometer away.  It’s about 6pm and he still had a history of passing out.  By 7:30, no BT.  By 8:30, I start to get worried!  What if he’s passed out in a ditch somewhere!  What if some hooligans saw him with a pharmacy bag with drugs in it and murdered him!!  What if….. I try his cell phone and of course he left it behind.  I call my daughter to see if she heard from him.  I call the friends and acquaintances that live along the way and nothing.   One of them happens to be a retired police officer so he, his wife and his trusty dog head out to look for him (after I drove through the neighborhood myself of course).  They’re looking in the ditches along the way and some guy comes up behind them and asked what they were looking for.  “YOU, you ass-hat!!”  Yup! good old BT met someone with a dog and decided to stop for a beer!  For fucking 3 hours!  The guy suggested he call his wife to tell her (me) where he was but HE DIDN’T KNOW MY PHONE NUMBER!! Can you believe? My phone number is engraved on the dog’s tag! He was in so much shit!! I now track his phone!

About 6 months after the Passing Out In Toronto Incident, we decide to go visit BT’s brother in Arizona for a couple of weeks.  He hadn’t passed out in a few months, the doc said the whole thing was caused by stress and depression and he was medicated.  We’re waiting to get processed by immigration before boarding and there he goes again! Passed out on a bench.  Some by-stander calls 911 and not only do EMT’s show up, but the police, security and the fire department!  Apparently, that’s protocol in an airport.  I slap him around a bit, shove a pill in his mouth and we convince the emergency personnel and security that he’s fine.  We finally board the plane and he passes out before take-off! I shove a pill in his mouth and I figure, I’ll wake him up before we land.  That’s the last time he passed out.  Sheesh!!! poor bastard!  The last thing he wants is to make me worry and he’s now 4 years passed-out free.  Congrats Babe!

bobby-tee nelson

Next time you’ll meet my fabulous children.  Okay I know that all parents think their kids are fabulous (except maybe Paul Bernardo”s mom), but mine really are!  Come on! A Doctor of Psychology and a Lawyer advocating for abused and neglected children?  We could not be prouder!  Two very accomplished adults who chose absolutely incredible life-partners (don’t let that go to your head Silvano) !  I know that we raised them to be the people they are today, but they also helped me become the fabulous woman that I am today!

Stay tuned !